You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!

Its full title is You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: A Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder. The first edition came out in 1993 in Cincinnati from Tyrell and Jerem Press; library records show 426 pages and a foreword by Larry B. Silver. Scribner published a 444-page hardcover edition in 1995, and Fireside a paperback in 1996. In 2006 Scribner brought out an updated edition under a "classic" label, and Edward Hallowell's name entered the author list in that edition's records. The page count varies between 444 and 712 depending on the edition and format, so which edition you pick up matters.

I could not find a verified Turkish edition; I am writing it under its original title.

This piece relies on the book's table of contents, on publisher and bookseller descriptions and on published reader reviews. I do not claim to have read the pages from start to finish; I have tried to make clear, within the text, what I know and where I know it from.

Two authors, both from the inside

Kate Kelly (1950-2012) was an advanced practice psychiatric nurse. For more than thirty years she worked as a family, group and individual therapist, ran adult ADHD groups, and later founded the ADDed Dimension Coaching Group. Peggy Ramundo comes from a background in teaching and learning disabilities; in 1995 she joined the ADDA board, worked for years as a certified ADHD coach, and in 2017 talked about her thirty years of experience in an ADDitude webinar.

Both say they have ADHD themselves, and the promotional texts put this right up front: the first book for adults with ADHD written by adults with ADHD. I cannot verify this claim on my own, but it explains the book's tone. The one speaking is not a researcher or the author of a protocol. The ones speaking are two people who sat with their clients for years and asked the same questions in their own lives too.

The book is written with the abbreviation "ADD". In those years it was called attention deficit disorder, and separate labels were used depending on whether or not hyperactivity was present. Here I keep the book's language, but we are talking about the condition we call ADHD today.

The title is a sentence

The book's starting idea is in its title. It is an answer to an adult who for years has either heard the words "lazy", "stupid" and "crazy" from others or said them to themselves. And it comes with a question mark and an exclamation mark: a surprised, relieved voice.

In 1993, ADHD in adults was a new idea. ADHD was considered a childhood disorder, and mostly a problem of boys. The first chapter of the 2006 edition has a heading devoted to exactly this belief: the idea that ADHD belongs to childhood and mainly affects males. So already in its first chapter the book is fighting a piece of misinformation head-on.

I was diagnosed at 22, and I think the part of the title that works is this: it does not throw the three words back, it places all of them inside an explanation. Instead of being lazy, the distance between a task and starting it; instead of being stupid, an attention that works differently; instead of being crazy, an intensity of emotion that cannot be managed. This reading is my own; I am working out its counterpart in the book from the headings, not from the pages.

Inside the pages: understanding first

The table of contents of the 1995 edition lists eighteen chapters, an epilogue and two appendices. The book opens with a reader's guide explaining how it should be read: From the Porch to the Printed Page. I could not verify what the title refers to, so I am not commenting on it.

The next chapter gives information. Understanding the Disorder That Makes Us Feel Lazy, Stupid or Crazy is devoted to definitions, symptoms and neurology. Judging by its breakdown in the 2006 edition, it covers the question of ADD versus ADHD, inattention, impulsivity and hyperactivity, research tools, the basic workings of the brain, theories and the question of prevalence. One reader review says the neurochemistry part is kept simple with line drawings; it is also noted that the 1995 edition had fifty-one illustrations.

The third chapter is The Impact of Growing Up With ADD, about what growing up with ADHD does. The fourth chapter is How Are We Different; in the 2006 edition this chapter moved up to second place, which means the new edition reordered the chapters. The subheadings in the preview are these: being different does not mean being defective, the scattered mind syndrome, the single-channel operating system. The single-channel system analogy looks to me like the most memorable idea in the book: the mismatch between a system that processes one thing at a time and a world in which everything is demanded at once.

Inside the pages: coping and living with people

The fifth chapter is The Not So Fine Art of Coping, the sixth I Know... I Think... I Have ADD: What Do I Do Now?. Judging by the titles, the first deals with the clumsy side of the effort to cope, the second with the first steps after the suspicion. The title of the seventh chapter is the oddest in the book: balance, Toyotas and Porsches, the circus tightrope and the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. One reader objected to the twelve-step reference in this chapter. Since I have not seen the content, I cannot evaluate that objection; I can only say that the title promises this comparison.

Then come three "interaction" chapters: groups and friendships, the workplace, dating and family. After those come two family chapters. From Mealtime Mania to Outing Ordeals describes practical ways to reduce conflict from mealtimes to outings, and Principles of Government: Family Style describes setting up limits and agreements at home; I know this from a reader review that lists mealtimes, outings, limits and family agreements.

According to the same review, the coping strategies are these: avoiding, where possible, the tasks you particularly struggle with; finding your strengths and using them; observing your own pattern of focus; setting up realistic schedules; dealing with communication difficulties such as phone calls and social settings. This looks like the first, 1990s version of the tension I described in the site's piece on the strengths question: leaning on your strengths is a good idea, but it does not solve the tasks you cannot avoid.

Inside the pages: organization, memory and help

Chapters thirteen and fourteen are Dynamics of ADD in Organization and Dynamics of ADD in Memory, both with the subtitle "mechanics and methods". According to the reader review, one of the ideas here is keeping important items where you see them every day, because out of sight is also out of mind. This is exactly the arrangement I described in the piece on the visible place system, and I think it is one of the parts of the book that will never age. The memory chapter ties in with working memory and forgetfulness: how memory works in general and in ADHD, and then ways to improve it.

Chapter fifteen, Crutches, Ladders and the Decision to Seek Professional Help, describes asking for help through the two metaphors in its title, the crutch and the ladder. Chapter sixteen, Medicine and Medicine Management, is devoted to medication, and chapter seventeen, Therapy and More Therapy, to therapy. The last chapter is From Obstacle to Opportunity. The epilogue is called Imagine a World Without ADD. The appendices are a reading list and a resource list.

One reader describes the medication chapter as "questions to ask your doctor": the book does not recommend medication; it explains how it works, when it takes effect, its side effects and the debates around it. I think that is the right stance. The current answer to the question of what to expect from medication should not be looked for in a book written in 1995.

What the 2006 edition added

According to the publisher and to readers, the new edition adds newer medications, the effect of ADHD on sexuality, the differences between ADHD in women and in men (including the effect of falling estrogen), meditation and coaching advice. According to one reader on Goodreads, the last four chapters come out of the authors' roughly ten years of experience as ADHD coaches, and this is the most concrete part: meditation, exercise, coping with moments of overwhelm and dealing with a negative inner voice. I have not seen this part with my own eyes; I am passing it on as a reader's account.

The coaching side sits close to the site's piece on what ADHD coaching is. The fact that both authors later became coaches makes this shift in the second half of the book understandable.

Its greatest strengths

The book's real strength is that it speaks directly to shame. What it rejects are the labels of laziness, stupidity or craziness; what it gives back is an explanation. For someone diagnosed late, this is a need that comes before information. The same thing shows up in reader comments from 1997-98 on the addbalance site: one person wrote that they had felt "stupid and crazy" for years, got a diagnosis after reading the book, and came to see themselves differently; another described recognizing the patterns in their own family.

The second strength is scope. Biology, treatment, family, work, relationships, organization and memory, all in a single volume. At a time when resources on adult ADHD were scarce, the book was written as a first reference book.

Third, its "different but not defective" stance. One reader review says that while taking ADHD seriously, the authors also point to strengths such as creativity. This stance is behind much of what is written today about shame and self-compassion, but I know how the book handles it from reader accounts, not from the pages themselves.

Weaknesses and level of evidence

First, the question of evidence. This is not a clinical protocol or a tested program but a self-help book based on the authors' clinical and personal experience. The description on one bookseller's page says that ADHD affects up to twenty percent of the US population; that is a figure far above today's estimates of adult prevalence. I could not verify how the figure appears in the book itself. The neurology and medication parts, especially in the older editions, reflect the knowledge of the 1990s. It is better not to look at any sentence in the book as if it said "this is today's evidence".

Second, form. The complaints readers write most often on Goodreads: it is long, repetitive and scattered, and the pages are too dense for a reader with ADHD. Anecdotes start in one place and are brought up again much later. The exclamatory, morale-boosting language encourages some readers and feels artificial to others; one reader called it a "victim book". Readers are split on the tone.

Third, practicality. Readers did not find suggestions such as keeping detailed time logs for weeks or timing your conversations realistic for someone whose attention struggles. Some readers also find the language of "recovery" and "working on it" at odds with the book's message of acceptance.

Fourth, inclusiveness: readers write that only he/she pronouns are used, that non-binary people are not considered at all, and that the assumptions about women's roles and about parenting are dated. Fifth, the book is US-centered: its descriptions of insurance, costs and the health system do not carry over to Turkey as they are.

Who it is for, who it is not for

For the adult who has just learned about ADHD, who has carried the question "why am I like this" for years and needs a story to make sense of it first. And who is looking for a broad, warm first book that also covers family and working life.

Not for someone looking for current information on medication, diagnosis and evidence. Not for someone looking for a short guide to read in one go, either; this book is used like a reference book. My suggestion is to scan the headings and pick the chapter that will help you today, and to read the medication chapter only to gather the questions you will ask your doctor.

Its place on the shelf

On the shelf, this book's closest relative is Driven to Distraction. Hallowell and Ratey's 1994 book tells its story through a psychiatrist's eyes, with case histories. Kelly and Ramundo's book, judging by its contents, gives more room to day-to-day management: organization, memory, order in the family, the workplace. You can read the two one after the other.

On the evidence side, Taking Charge of Adult ADHD is the opposite of this book: hard to love, but the book on the shelf I trust most. If you are looking for concrete tools, The Adult ADHD Tool Kit offers a cognitive behavioral framework. For women and shame, Women with Attention Deficit Disorder can fill this book's gap when it comes to the women's perspective. For someone who wants a more current, shorter and more practical guide, there is DEHB İle Yaşamak (How to ADHD). The general problem of the shelf, that is, which ADHD books do not work and why, I described in a separate piece.

Final word

I would recommend this book not for its information but for its voice. The information part has aged; the voice part, I think, has not: a voice that tells you that you are not lazy, stupid or crazy, and that you hear from people who know their own ADHD. If I were you, I would get the new edition, read the medication and neurology pages with some forbearance, and set aside time for the chapters on shame and family.