Calming Activities for Children With ADHD

Say school has just finished. The child came out of the door looking happy, but once in the car they threw their bag, said they didn't want to eat and shouted at their sibling. The teacher had said "they were very good today." The adult doesn't understand what happened.

This picture is familiar in many homes. A child who holds themselves in all day, who keeps to the noise and rules of the classroom, lets go of the load in their body and emotions in the place where they feel safe. In this article I describe activities that help bring that load down: what may work after school, before bed and after an outburst, how it is taught and where it does not work.

First, an honest frame. These activities do not treat ADHD. There are also not many studies in children with ADHD where they were tested one by one and their effect was strongly shown. The meta-analysis by Sonuga-Barke and colleagues reviewing non-drug methods finds more favourable results for behavioural approaches such as parent training; the place of calming activities is as a support alongside such systems. The suggestions below come from general principles of child development and the shared observation of people who work with children. I am not a parent; I write as someone who reads and writes about these subjects, saying "as I see it".

What calming means and what it does not

A calming activity is something that helps bring the child's body and emotion from a heightened state to a more balanced point. The aim is not to silence the child, suppress them or make them a "good child". The emotion itself is not wrong; the aim is to offer a small way down for a system that has tightened.

A calming activity is not a punishment. "Go to your room and calm down" and "let's do a bit of breathing together" are two different things. The first gives the child a feeling of being sent away, the second offers a tool together. In behavioural parent training programmes the time-out exists as a deliberate method, but that is something else: a short, calm consequence tied to disruptive behaviour. A calming activity is for widening the child's own repertoire of calming. It is important not to confuse the two. For the programmes you can look at the article on parent training.

A calming activity does not resolve the emotion. After the child calms, what lies underneath (hurt, fear, a sense of unfairness) may remain. The activity is a bridge to getting to a point where talking is possible.

Finally, the same activity does not suit every child. One loves the breathing game, one loves pushing; one wants silence, one wants movement. Finding what suits the child happens by trying, and this trying is less tense if done while calm.

Teach it first, when calm

This is the most important section of the article. A calming activity works when it is taught while the child is calm. Teaching something new in the middle of an outburst is a disappointment for both child and adult. The child's thinking side is working very little at that moment; when told "take a deep breath", the child hears it as an order to themselves and resists.

The order of teaching goes like this. First, introduce it as a game in a calm moment: "I know a balloon breathing game, shall we try?" Do it over several days, in the gaps, at the good times of the day. What is repeated turns into muscle memory. In the second stage, at a mild upset ("your sibling took the toy, you got a little angry"), give a reminder. The child chooses for themselves. In the third stage, when the rise begins, the adult names it: "Your face is getting red, shall we do balloon breathing?" Reaching this stage can take weeks. Only after this does the tool come into the very middle of an outburst, and even then it does not work every time.

It matters that the child chooses the tool. Show three options and let the child decide on one. They are more inclined to use what they chose themselves. Draw the child's own calming list together: three or four pictures, to be hung on the fridge or in their room. A visible list makes it easier for the child to find the answer to "what can I do" in a heightened moment, because it takes load off working memory.

Repetition needs time. Expecting a lasting result within a week is not realistic. In the habit formation study by Lally and colleagues, a new behaviour took months on average to become automatic, with great differences between individuals. I do not know of a study measuring this directly in children, but I think the logic of the timescale is similar.

For the steps at the moment of the outburst itself, the article on anger outbursts is more suitable; here I describe the preparation outside that moment.

Breathing games

It is a generally accepted idea that slow, long breathing out calms the body. There is no strong study separately measuring the effect of breathing games in children with ADHD; I suggest them as low-risk tools that are taught quickly and that most children like. Breathing goes better when it is offered to the child not as "stop and breathe" but as a game.

Balloon breathing (1-2 minutes). The child imagines their belly swelling like a balloon as they slowly breathe in through the nose. Then the "balloon" slowly empties out of the mouth. If they do it with a hand on the belly they feel the movement. Three or four repeats are enough.

Finger breathing (1-2 minutes). The fingers of one hand are open. The index finger of the other hand traces up from the edge of the palm to the tip of the thumb as you breathe in, and down as you breathe out. One breath per finger. Five fingers, five breaths. It has a tactile structure that can be followed with the eyes.

Hot soup (1 minute). The child holds an imaginary soup in their hands. They smell it through the nose and cool it by blowing out through the mouth. The aim is for the out-breath to be long.

Blowing a feather or cotton ball (2-3 minutes). Blowing a feather or a cotton ball on the table to a line. The child controls their breath and also has a goal.

Four-square breathing (age 7 and over, 2 minutes). Draw a square with a finger: breathe in along one side (counting to four), hold on the next side, breathe out on the next, hold on the last. Suitable for slightly older children, and the counting also helps gather attention.

Do not make them do breathing by force. Holding the breath or breathing too deeply can make a child dizzy. If the child is uncomfortable, stop. If the child finds this game "stupid", choose a different tool; no tool has to suit everyone. For the place of mindfulness and meditation methods in ADHD, you can look at the article on mindfulness practice; there I wrote that the evidence is moderate and mixed.

Heavy work games

Heavy work is the name for movements that push, pull and carry against the muscles and joints. It is a concept that comes up a lot in sensory programmes used by therapists. Let me be honest about the evidence for this approach in ADHD: strong, controlled studies showing the effect of therapies based on sensory integration are limited. That said, pushing, pulling and carrying are games that need movement and strength; children mostly enjoy them and they are harmless. I see them not as a "proven treatment" but as "active games the child will enjoy that may calm them".

Wall push (1-2 minutes). The child pushes the wall with both palms as hard as they can, for ten seconds. They rest and repeat. A story like "try to move the wall from its place" can be used.

Pillow squash (3-5 minutes). Squeezing a big pillow from both sides and letting go, or gently pressing the child's body between two pillows (the sandwich game). The pressure should be light and in the child's control. No pressure on the head or chest.

Blanket wrap (5 minutes). The child lies at the edge of a blanket and the adult wraps them; the head and face must be out, and the child must be able to get out at any moment. Not "if they don't want to get out", but in a way that they can get out when they want. If a feeling of being restrained arises, stop immediately.

Carrying a rug or sheet (5 minutes). Carrying a full laundry basket, pushing a box, taking a heavy bag from one room to another. A weight suited to the age. Giving the child a job ("take the shopping bags to the kitchen") also gives a feeling of contributing.

Kneading dough (10 minutes). Kneading a stiff dough or squeezing play dough. It keeps the hands and arms busy.

Animal walk (3-5 minutes). Bear walk, crab walk: movements that put weight on the hands and feet. From one end of the room to the other.

Squat and jump sets (2-3 minutes). Ten squats, ten jumps. When the movement has to be fast and energetic it can be energising rather than calming. Use this during the day, not before bed.

Heavy work games should not be confused with products such as weighted blankets and vests. The evidence for these products for ADHD and sleep is limited and mixed. Some children relax under a heavy blanket, but this does not hold for everyone. Trying with a thick duvet at home before buying shows whether the child likes it. For safety of weighted blankets in small children, the product's age and weight recommendations must be followed, and the child must be able to lift the blanket off by themselves.

A sensory corner

A sensory corner or calming corner is a small, quiet place the child can go to when they are heightened. Not a place of punishment, but a break area the child chooses for themselves. Setting it up goes like this:

A corner of the room with little light and little noise. A bean bag or large cushions, a blanket. A few things: headphones (noise-reducing), a soft plush toy, a squeeze ball or a textured object, a few books, paper and coloured pencils, a small torch or a sand timer with bubbles. You should not put too many things in; a crowd of options is also a new stimulus.

Set up the corner together. Let the child decide what will be there. Introduce the corner when the child is calm and sit there together for a few days. The knowledge that "you can go here when you get tense" leads the child to use it voluntarily when struggling.

The adult should not send the child to the corner by force. The sentence "go to the corner until you calm down" turns the corner into a punishment. Instead, ask "would you like to go here?" or "shall I sit beside you?" The adult should be near but should not force the child to talk.

The corner can be small depending on the size of the home: a blanket tent, under a table, the back of a cupboard. I wrote the article on sensory overload in ADHD from the adult's side; it has parts that can be applied to a child. Trying white noise to reduce noise can also work in some children, but the evidence is not consistent.

Drawing, dough, water and sand

Calming, slow activities that keep the hands busy carry the child's attention to something outside and bring the emotion down by an indirect route.

Drawing and colouring (10-20 minutes). Paper, pencils, pastels. Instead of asking "what will you draw", you can say "draw today as a colour". When the child is heightened, drawing sometimes helps the emotion pour onto the paper. Mandalas and shapes with a defined edge can be calmer than free drawing. The picture does not have to be nice.

Drip watercolour (10-15 minutes). Coloured drops on wet paper; watching the colours spread gives a slow, visual calm.

Water play (10-20 minutes). Playing with warm water in the bath or the sink. Containers, funnels, sponges. Watching the flow of water and the tactile feedback is calming for most children. An adult must always be near in the bath. A warm bath before bed can also be part of the sleep routine.

Sand and rice tray (10-20 minutes). Kinetic sand, dry rice or lentils in a big tray. Small containers and spoons in it. Pouring, sifting, burying. In very small children there is a risk of putting it in the mouth; have an adult nearby.

Play dough (10-20 minutes). Kneading, squashing, shaping. Letting anger out through dough (punching, squashing) is a safe enough way for a child.

These activities are not a treatment in themselves. But when the child's hands and attention are busy with something, it is easier to talk and to name the emotion. The adult can sit beside them and do something without waiting for them to explain what they are doing; silence is not a problem. In the article on activities to do at home I wrote in more detail how many minutes these take and how they are set up.

Slow music, stretching and a book together

Slow music (5-10 minutes). Music without words or at a slow tempo. A song the child chooses is best, because music played by force is a new stimulus. While the music plays the child can lie on the bed or draw. The effect of music on focus in ADHD is mixed; for the calming effect there is no strong ADHD-specific evidence either, but a slow song the child chooses for themselves most of the time does no harm.

Stretching (3-5 minutes). The child reaches arms up and stretches like a tree, then slowly bends forward and becomes a "soft rag doll". Cat-cow pose, child's pose (bending forward over the knees). Slowly, without timing. A yoga class is not needed; it is enough to offer it to the child as a game.

A book together (10-20 minutes). The adult reads aloud and the child listens or looks at the pictures. Closeness, a slow tempo and a predictable structure. If the child can't keep still, they can draw or hold something while listening; it doesn't mean they are not listening. Leave the choice of book to the child, and you can read the same book for the twentieth time; this is not a problem, it is the comfort of the familiar.

Slow walk (5-10 minutes). A calm walk around the house or in the garden. A "slow motor" or "tortoise walk" game: who walks slowest. When slowness becomes a competition, it practises inhibition.

After school

For most children, the end of school is a kind of release moment. The child who holds themselves in all day lets go at home. I observe that this is common, and it is referred to with names like "after-school collapse", but I do not know of definite measured data on this in children with ADHD; I write this as an observation.

As I see it, the first half hour after school should be without questions and without tasks. Questions and instructions like "what did you do today", "do you have homework", "hang up your bag" increase the child's load. First eating and drinking something (hunger is the hidden cause of a rising emotion in many children), then something calm the child chooses: a short movement, half an hour of free play, the calm corner or a song.

For homework, the logic of movement first, then the table, also works; I described this in the article on homework follow-up. I would also think about not putting the screen in as a reward to fill that half hour after school; screens bring settling in some children and rising in others. For this you can look at the article on screen time and ADHD in children.

Before bed

Sleep problems are common in children with ADHD; I described their causes and the routine in the article on sleep in a child with ADHD. Here I look only at calming activities before bed.

The hour before bed should consist of slow, dimly lit activities done in the same order. An example order: a warm shower or bath, pyjamas, brushing teeth, stretching or heavy work (pillow sandwich, blanket wrap), a book together, lights off, a few breaths. When the same order is repeated every day, the body comes to expect the next step. This matters for a child with ADHD because it takes load off working memory; the order makes the decision.

At least half an hour before bed, exciting games, competition and screens should end. This needs to be adjusted not as a rigid rule but by looking at the child's sleep pattern. If the child is still heightened when they get into bed, look at one stage earlier, that is, slowing down half an hour sooner.

Small tools for children who stay awake in bed: a slow breathing game, looking at the ceiling and counting three good things from the day, drawing a simple shape on the back with a finger ("guess"), a slow audiobook. Medical decisions on sleep such as melatonin or medication are talked through with the doctor.

After an outburst

After an outburst, both child and adult are tired and fragile. Three rules work here: first the body, then the bond, and last the talk.

First the body: water, eating something, dimming the light and sound, and the adult staying close enough but without pressing in on the child. The child is not ready for a high-toned conversation. A few simple calming tools: heavy work (blanket wrap, pillow squeezing), slow breathing, a glass of water. If the child wants one of these themselves, let them choose.

Then the bond: saying "I'm here", hugging if they want a hug, sitting nearby if they don't. It is too early to repeat that the child made a mistake. A child experiencing shame goes into defence; on the effect of shame in a child, the article on shame and self-compassion in ADHD was written from the adult's side but the mechanism is similar.

Last the talk, and a short one at that. "That was very hard, wasn't it? What can we do next time?" If the child is still fluctuating, it is possible to put off the talk. During the day or the next day, in a calm moment, opening with "would you have liked to try something when you got angry yesterday" is often more productive. For telling apart the outburst as ADHD difficulty with emotion regulation from meltdown and shutdown in autism, there is the article on meltdown, shutdown and ADHD.

If outbursts are very frequent, very intense or at a scale that will harm the child or others, more than these activities is needed: a doctor or a child mental health specialist. The tools in this article do not replace that evaluation.

If the child rejects these

The child may find the breathing game stupid, may not want to go to the corner, may get even angrier when asked to draw. That is normal. A few thoughts:

Change the tool. The breathing game didn't work, move to a pushing game. Pushing didn't work, try water or drawing. No single tool suits everyone.

Change the time. The child may be refusing because they are angry; try when they are calm.

Look again at the adult's behaviour. If these activities came across to the child like an order to "calm down", the child will reject them. A tone of "let's do it together" and "I'm doing it too" works better. The adult slowing their own breath also models it for the child.

If none works, look at the reason the child is rising: lack of sleep, hunger, a difficulty at school, the hour at which the medication effect wears off. This may be a problem of cause, not of tool. The relationship between the medication schedule and emotional swings is something to talk about with the doctor.

What I make of it

What escapes me most about calming activities, I think, is that they are actually for the adult as well. When the child is heightened the adult rises too; if the adult can stay calm, the child comes down more easily. So for me the first calming activity is the adult's own breath. I write this not as a moral lesson but as a practical observation.

Second, we should not load exaggerated hopes onto these activities. They do not zero out outbursts and do not change the child's ADHD. They can reduce the length and intensity of outbursts a little, can give the child the feeling that "I can do something" and can create moments of bonding at home. That is valuable enough for most homes. For bigger problems, working with the doctor and with behavioural programmes is necessary.

Third and most important, the principle that these are taught at a calm time. Most disappointments come from the tool being tried for the first time in the middle of an outburst. If I were you I would choose just one thing this week: a breathing game or a heavy work game. At the same time every day, two minutes, as a game. A month later, the child asking for that tool on their own is worth more than the best calming list that could be written in a year.