Why I keep a diary like this - let the ADHD Diary begin

01.09.2026 Diary Page I

you should either not start or finish.

I love myself.

I no longer want to place the sentences about myself at the very end of the text. As if I could only come to myself if some room was left over after first speaking of everyone, of everything, of what needs to be done.

For the last four or five months, this is exactly what I had been doing.

I was trying to grow my company, I was catching up with academic work, I was running to people. I was fixing some things, starting others, trying to complete the ones left half done. Always a state of working, catching up, running. (The a with the little hat is so pretty, isn't it...)

Yet I like walking. While walking I can see what is around me. I can think. I can stop in front of a tree, for example. I can turn a sentence over in my head a few times. I can notice not where I need to get to, but where I am.

When you run, none of this happens.

When you run, your eyes are only ahead. On the place to be reached. On the job to be finished. On the message to be answered. On the money to be earned. On the problem to be solved. On the next hour of the next day.

And I think for a long time I had forgotten the difference between living my life and catching up with my life.

I thought I could carry everything at once. I even believed that being able to carry it was a kind of strength. I took it as a merit not to be free of tiredness, but to be able to go on even when I was tired.

But while catching up with everything, a person can be late to themselves.

I was a little late to myself.

I am not saying this from a dramatic place. On the contrary, I am glad to have noticed it. Because for some things to be fixed, you first have to accept that they are wrong.

Maybe the point is not working less. It is not wanting less either. I still want to do a lot. I want to produce, to learn, to grow things, to write, to read, to build new things.

But while doing all of this, I no longer want to take life itself out of the picture.

I want to drink my coffee before it gets cold. To not hurry while walking. To read a book not because it is useful but because I am curious. To be able to sit for a few minutes without picking up my phone. To not think about the next thing right after I have done something.

And most importantly, to not write myself at the very bottom of my life's to-do list.

Maybe I do not need to make big decisions today.

Maybe I only need to walk a little more slowly.

Because I like walking.

And I think from now on, as much as where I am going, I want to pay attention to how I get there. I founded Cansu's ADHD Diary for this. And today I will share the first podcast. I am sure that a year from now there will be hundreds of people here. And I will not be alone anymore.

• The Cansu of 1 September 2026..