Talking to Your Child's Teacher About ADHD

Teacher meetings often slide toward one of two ends: they either get spent explaining the diagnosis or turn into a list of complaints. Neither changes anything in the classroom.

This article describes the preparation that makes the meeting useful.

Why explaining the diagnosis is not enough

The sentence "my child has ADHD" gives information but it does not give instructions. The other side cannot work out from this sentence what to do.

On top of that, common misinformation about ADHD is in circulation: that a child who is not hyperactive cannot have ADHD, that the diagnosis is exaggerated, that medication is unnecessary. If the meeting slides into this argument, nothing is left to change in the classroom. I collected the list of this misinformation in the article on myths.

What works is moving the conversation from the diagnosis to behavior.

Preparing before the meeting

Three headings, a single page:

1. Concrete situations. Two or three examples describing what the child struggles with in class. Not "his attention is scattered," but "he gets lost when moving from the board to his notebook, and with a three-step instruction he does the first and stops."

2. What works at home. You are handing the teacher a ready-made solution. "He finishes homework when it is split into twenty-minute blocks." "He can follow an instruction that is given in writing."

3. The request. At most two, and workable ones.

The third item is the most critical. A ten-item list becomes a list that is not carried out.

Which requests turn out to be workable

Things the teacher can do inside the classroom without additional resources have the highest acceptance rate:

• Seating arrangement. Close to the teacher, away from the traffic of the door and windows.
• Written instructions. Two lines written on the board make a verbal instruction lasting.
• Splitting the instruction. One step instead of a three-step task, then the next.
• A quiet warning signal. Instead of warning in front of the class, a gesture only the two of them know.
• Checking the homework record. A quick confirmation at the end of the lesson that the homework has been written down.
• Permission for a break. Permission for a short stand-up during long work.

The meta-analysis by DuPaul and colleagues (2012), which combined school-based interventions, shows that this kind of in-class adjustment gives significant benefit on academic and behavioral measures. So these are not privileges, they are practices whose effect has been measured.

How to talk in the meeting

Start with the language of cooperation. The sentence "how can we solve this together" opens many more doors than "you need to do this."

Ask for the teacher's observation. The teacher is the person who sees the child in the classroom more than you do. Questions like "in which lesson is he better, at what hour does he struggle" both give information and make the conversation shared.

Suggest trying one thing. "Let's try the seating arrangement for three weeks, then talk." A testable proposal with a set duration is accepted more easily than a permanent demand.

Take notes. Writing down what was said prevents starting from the same place at the next meeting.

One adjustment that is applied is worth more than ten that are accepted and forgotten.

After the meeting

Three things need to be clear at the end of the meeting: who will do what, when it will start, when you will talk again.

If these three are not discussed, the meeting remains a well-meaning chat. Summarizing what was said with a short thank-you message is both polite and leaves a written record.

If there is a BEP (Individualized Education Program) on the official side, the requests are written into it too. I explained that process in the article on the BEP, and the RAM (Guidance and Research Center) side in the article on RAM.

Difficult situations

If the teacher does not believe the diagnosis. Instead of getting into an argument, stay with behavior: "Let's set the diagnosis aside, what can we do in these two situations?"

If a list of complaints comes up in the meeting. Listen, take notes, then bring it down to a single question: "Which of these is the hardest for you? Let's solve that first."

If nothing changes. In order: the school guidance counselor and then the school administration. Being in writing makes a difference here: what was discussed on which date.

If the child is being stigmatized in class. This is a subject to deal with before the adjustments. I wrote about this side in the article on stigma.

What stays with me

In most teacher meetings what gets talked about is the child's effort, not how the class works. What I took from this article is that a meeting that talks about effort does not get anywhere, and a meeting that talks about structure does. The subject to be discussed is not the child working harder but the class becoming something he can work in.

I also want to add this: the teacher is not the enemy in this. A teacher works in a class of thirty with limited time. When something workable, small and testable is brought to them, they often respond.