11.09.2026 Diary XI On not knowing worth

11.09.2026 Diary Page XI

Worth is not written on a thing. It stands in the eye of the one who looks at it.

Today I got stuck on the phrase “not knowing worth.”

It is a phrase used a lot in Turkish. Usually we say it when complaining about someone. “He doesn't know worth.” As if knowing worth were a talent, some people have it, some don't. As if worth stood somewhere and some people saw it and others didn't.

So where does worth stand?

Price and worth

There is a saying attributed to Oscar Wilde: a cynic is a person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

When I first read this sentence I loved it. Looking at it now I see one more question inside it: why is knowing the price so easy, why is knowing the worth so hard?

Probably because the price stands outside. On a label, on an invoice, in an offer. Everyone sees the same number. It can be argued over, but it can be seen.

Worth, though, is inside. In what a thing corresponds to in you. In the labour behind a piece of work, in what a person adds to a life, in the door a sentence opens. These are not written on a label. To see them you have to look. And to look you need time, attention and a little willingness.

Maybe what we call not knowing worth is, most of the time, not looking.

Worth at work

In the diary I wrote two weeks ago I talked about the work I do not being seen. About how the thinking process behind a strategy, the possibilities eliminated, the risks noticed, are visible to no one.

I have thought about this a lot since that entry. And I noticed this: a piece of work not being seen and its being seen as worthless are not the same thing, but they stand very close to each other.

A person cannot put a value on what they cannot see. They see the result, they do not see the process. And the result is usually a single page, a single presentation, a single decision. People look and say, “Is that all?”

It is not all. But to say “it is not all” you have to explain. And explaining sometimes feels like defending yourself. So most of the time I do not explain. Then I get hurt that what I did not explain was not seen.

It is easy to be angry at a person who does not know the worth of what they cannot see. Expecting what I did not show to be seen is something harder to admit.

Reading your own worth through someone else's eyes

The truly uncomfortable part starts here.

For a long time I read my own worth from other people's reactions. If a piece of work was liked, I was good. If it was not liked, if it was not noticed, if nothing was said, I was worthless. The same work, the same labour, the same me. The only thing that changed was the face in front of me.

I think this also has something to do with ADHD. Someone who has heard sentences like “not using their potential,” “if only they tried harder,” “if only they paid attention” for years looks at outside evaluation from a very sensitive place. A criticism weighs heavier than it is, a word of appreciation heals more than it is. Both carry the scale itself outside.

If the scale is outside, my worth is weighed again every day.

Is everyone who does not know worth bad

Here I have to be honest with myself.

Not all the people I say “doesn't know worth” about are ill-intentioned. Some are just tired. Some are buried in their own trouble. Some have never learned: what stands behind a piece of work, how much a thank-you changes.

And some really do not see, because seeing does not suit them. Accepting worth requires giving something back. What you give back is sometimes money, sometimes time, sometimes only a sentence. And some people choose not to see the worth so as not to give even that sentence.

It matters to tell these apart. Because if I look at all of them with the same resentment, I am the one who gets tired.

Do I know worth

I have to ask this too.

While complaining so much about others not knowing worth, do I know the worth of the things in my own life?

In the months I was rushing around, how many things did I pass without seeing. What the people next to me did quietly. What my own body carried. What a morning coffee, a walk, a book gave me. Not because they were worthless, but because I did not look.

Maybe knowing worth begins with looking at your own life first. Before expecting someone else to know my worth, I should see which things I do not know the worth of.

Valued and given value

There is a very old distinction in philosophy. A thing being valuable for the sake of something else, and a thing being valuable for itself. A hammer is valuable for driving nails. A friendship is not valuable because it serves something else, but because it is itself.

Thinking about this, I asked myself: which do I see myself as?

For a long time, as a hammer. Valuable to the extent that I am of use. To the extent that I finish work, solve problems, keep up.

But a person is not a tool. A person does not lose their worth on a day they are of no use. On the day they are tired, produce nothing, stay in bed, they are the same person.

It is easy to write this. It is hard to believe. But today at least I wrote it.

And one more thing

While complaining about not being appreciated, it is also possible to fall into a trap: seeing yourself constantly as someone whose worth is not known. Looking for being unseen in every relationship, every job, every conversation.

I do not want this.

Sometimes I really am not seen, yes. But sometimes I am seen and I miss that moment, because I have got so used to not being seen that even when I am seen I do not believe it.

Brushing off a thank-you as “he only said it to be polite.” Shrinking a compliment with “it's not really a big thing.” Not accepting my worth even at the moment it is recognised.

Maybe sometimes the one who does not know worth, who does not accept her own worth, is me.

The note I leave myself today

Worth is not a label. It stands in the eye of the one who looks.

But one of those who look is me.

Someone else's eye will not always be fair. They will not see, they will not know, sometimes they will not want to see. Changing that is not always in my hands.

What is in my hands is taking my own scale back inside. Knowing the worth of the work I do even if no one else sees it. Remembering my own worth even on the days I am of no use.

And trying to see other people's worth before they show it to me.